


forgetting

by celsidebottom



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast), The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: + the conspicuous absence of sasha :), Angst, Gen, Roleswap, big taz balance spoilers, episode 66 re-write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27194630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celsidebottom/pseuds/celsidebottom
Summary: Cel gently blows on the ink to let it dry before closing the last journal. They put their brush down and slowly stand. Picking up the stack of books, they turn to the tank. Inside, the voidfish floats, serene. They put their hand up to the glass and it responds, moving closer. They try to smile like they usually would; they don’t want to upset it. What they’re about to do isn’t its fault.“Alright, buddy,” they say hoarsely. “Let’s do this.”
Relationships: Azu & Celiquilliton "Cel" Sidebottom, Grizzop drik Acht Amsterdam & Sasha Racket (minor), Grizzop drik Acht Amsterdam & Zolf Smith, Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan & Amelia Earhart, Sasha Racket & Zolf Smith (minor)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 19





	forgetting

**Author's Note:**

> for reference:  
> Azu - Magnus  
> Zolf - Taako  
> Sasha - Lup  
> Grizzop - Barry  
> Hamid - Merle  
> Cel - Lucretia  
> Earhart - Davenport

Cel gently blows on the ink to let it dry before closing the last journal. They put their brush down and slowly stand. Picking up the stack of books, they turn to the tank. Inside, the voidfish floats, serene. They put their hand up to the glass and it responds, moving closer. They try to smile like they usually would; they don’t want to upset it. What they’re about to do isn’t its fault.

“Alright, buddy,” they say hoarsely. “Let’s do this.”

“Full house,” Hamid declares with a small degree of smugness, placing his cards down. Earhart squints at them and sighs, putting her own hand down as well.

“It’s my birthday, you know,” she says. Hamid blinks.

“Oh, happy birthday, Captain,” he replies, caught off-guard by sudden change in subject.

“Not that I ever really cared about birthdays, especially after all of this,” she continues. Hamid nods as he considers her words.

“They do become rather pointless after a while. Do we count those years?” he wonders. “That would make us all well over one hundred.”

Earhart chuckles. “No way, I’m not that old yet. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me.” She smiles cynically. “Not a clue what to do with it, though. How the hell am I - are we - meant to start caring about normal life now?”

Hamid sighs. “Yeah … it’s going to be strange.”

She looks out to the sky. “This, this mission has been my life for so long, I can hardly imagine doing anything else. Y’know, I never had to make my own life, I always had my goal in mind, and now … I’ve got nothing.” She raises an eyebrow at him. “You got any ideas?”

“For my life? Well, I … I want to travel, I think. After this, I can’t imagine staying in one place, really. Even though, you know, we’ve been on so many worlds, even on one planet there’s so much to see. So much music, and food, and culture. That’s what I’d like to do, I think. Discover all of the …” He trails off as he takes in Earhart’s expression. She’s frowning, looking down at the table and blinking rapidly. “Captain, are you alright?”

She looks up. Her face is pale. “Yeah, I- what the hell-” She stands up abruptly, sending cards fluttering off the table. Hamid rises too, concerned as she gives a yell of distress and frustration.

“What the hell is this? You- I know, you’re Hamid, and I-”

“Are you alright?” he asks tentatively. He winces and shakes his head, trying to clear the sudden fog that has come over it. “I- yes, you know me- wait … do I know you?” 

The woman in front of him looks at him with wild eyes. 

“I’m your captain, dammit!” She breaks off with a yell and falls to her knees, clutching her head in her hands.

Hamid swallows. Captain? Is he on a ship? He looks around, and swears he must be dreaming. He’s standing on the deck of a ship, but instead of the sea he can see a long stretch of sky beyond, and the sight overwhelms him with dizziness. He collapses back into his chair and stares at the cards. Vaguely he remembers playing cards, countless times, but the details of where or with who have completely left him, dissolved into static.

Cel tries to still their trembling hands as they lift the first journal into the tank. They know this is the right decision, that they can’t allow the destruction to continue. They feel sick in their stomach as the voidfish eagerly curls its tendrils around the book, the finality of their actions dawning on them. No going back now.

Zolf comes up on deck and sees Grizzop, leant over a map, and as he approaches he sees his red eyes are glazed over and his hands are trembling where they clutch the edge of the table. He realises he’d left his glaive here earlier and picks it up, wearily leaning on it. The sound does nothing to alert Grizzop to his presence.

He clears his throat. “Alright?” he asks gruffly, knowing what a pointless question it is.

Grizzop startles, jerking up to look at him, one hand moving instinctively to the bow on his back until he registers that it’s just Zolf standing there.

“Wh- oh - right. Yeah.” He rubs his eyes and turns to the map without greeting him. Since Sasha disappeared a few weeks ago, Zolf doesn’t think he’s seen him sleep. “So, there’s a mine shaft near here,” he says, tracing a path with his finger. Zolf sees that he’s been progressively crossing off locations, systematically working through. “Lotta evil energy’s been coming off it. I’m gonna check it.”

“Right,” Zolf sighs. “Same as usual, then? I’ll ask around and you can do your,” he waves a hand, “Artemis tracking magic.”

Grizzop nods sharply. “Yeah. We’ll- yeah.” He seems about to say something else but cuts himself off. Zolf knows the feeling well.

“Hasn’t worked so far, but … one of these days,” he mumbles, almost to himself. The same thoughts swirl around in his mind. If Sasha doesn’t want to be found, there’s no way they would be able to outsmart her, and the alternative- he doesn’t even want to consider.

“It’ll work out. One day.” Grizzop turns to him, eyes hard. “We’ll find her, we- we have to.”

Zolf bites his lip, casts his eyes over the map again. The red crosses seem to mock him, a constant reminder of the suddenness with which she had disappeared, and how fruitless they had been in their search for-

For-

“I- wait, who?”

Grizzop whirls around. “Zolf, what the hell are you-” His eyes go wide in horror. He stumbles, takes a step back. “What are- what is this?”

Zolf swallows suddenly; his thoughts are scattered, his head suddenly feels like it’s filled with cotton. 

“Who?” he repeats, brow furrowed in confusion. The name hovers on the edge of his mind- he knows her, he swears he does, if he could just think of who it is-

“I can’t remember her,” Grizzop whispers. “Her face- Gods, Zolf, I can’t remember-”

“Who are you talking about?” Zolf yells, desperation and fear in his voice. Grizzop takes another stumbling step backwards, towards the railing, and Zolf follows, running a hand through his hair, gripping it tight to try and ground himself. Memories rise to the surface unbidden, flashing through too fast for him to catch, melting into grey the moment he tries to focus on any of them. It’s dizzying, and he tries to press down the nausea, his heart beating wildly. 

“Kill me,” Grizzop pleads, teeth gritted and tears running down his face. Zolf recoils, but the goblin’s face is firm, steely-eyed and leaving no room for disagreement. “Do it. I’ll remember- you have to- come _on_ -”

With shaking hands, Zolf raises his glaive high and then brings it down in a wide sweep, holy fire blazing at the tip. The goblin gives a strangled scream as it cuts through him, knees buckling. The last Zolf sees of him is toppling over the railing, using the last of his strength to push himself back and over. 

In a daze, he falls to his knees, his glaive clattering to the ground next to him. His surroundings swirl around him as he desperately stares at his hands, trying to find sense in them. He’s - in the sky? On a boat? The goblin’s face is burned on the inside of his eyelids, and he shivers as he remembers his determined expression even as his life was leaving him. He can’t remember who that was, or why he killed him. He blinks rapidly as his vision turns grey around the edges; the world sways, and he falls onto his side, and then there is no more.

Cel moves as if in a dream; their singular focus on the book in front of them, drifting in the hold of the voidfish. Their face is blank and resigned as they lift another and gently push it into the tank, with barely a splash. They take such care with it, as if to make up for the cruelty of their actions.

The silence is disturbed as the door behind them opens and they gasp, turning around, their trance broken. Framed in the doorway is Azu, her eyes wide as she takes in the scene.

“Cel? What are you doing?”

“Oh- Azu, no, no, you weren’t supposed to see this, oh no-” they stammer as she takes another step. She blinks in confusion and sways. They rush forward as she falls to one knee, too late to support her and they fall with her in an awkward embrace.

“It’s, it’s okay, everything’s okay, I promise, just- just trust me, I’ve worked it out- it’s only for a bit, uh, it’s just so I can fix this, fix our mistakes, my mistake,” they continue, useless excuses spilling out. “You’ll be happy, you can find happiness- here, just- sit down, we’ll fall, I don’t think I can carry you-”

“Cel-? I’m not sure what’s going on,” Azu says softly, voice trembling. They pull back to look into her face, at her scared expression, and they desperately try to form a smile.

“It’s okay- it’s fine, I promise,” they whisper, stroking her cheek with one trembling hand. 

“Who are you?” she slurs, swaying dangerously once more and they lower her to the ground as best they can. Her eyes roll back in her head and they sit back on their knees, bathed in the silver light of the tank, muffling their sobs with the back of their hand.

Eventually their tears run dry, and they stand on shaky legs, using the edge of their desk for support. They knew this would be hard, and this is only the beginning. Good to get it out, they think to themself, before they get to work. They spread their own map out on their desk, upon which is marked the last known locations of the creations that never should have been, and they start planning how to fix this.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hehehehe  
> big thanks to jenn for coming up with the idea, also to claws for beta-reading and the writing rangers for being lovely <3 !!


End file.
